Ode To Plurals

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,

But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse, or a nest full of mice,

Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

Then why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of my foot, and show you my feet,

If I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?

If one is a tooth, and a whole set are called teeth,

Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

If one can be "that", then three would be "those",

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

But, though we say mother, we never say methren.

The masculine pronouns are he, him and his,

Then shouldn't the feminine be she, shim and shis!

Let's face it, English is a crazy language.

Consider: There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in hamburger,

and neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

Also, English muffins weren't invented in England.

We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that:

1. Quicksand can work slowly.


2. Boxing rings are square.


3. A guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.






Why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham?


Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not just one amend.


If you have a bunch of odds and ends, and you get rid of all but one of them,


what do you call what is left?






If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?


If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?



In what other language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?



We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.



We have noses that run and feet that smell.



We park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.



Why is a slim chance and a fat chance the same thing,




while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?


You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which:

1. Your house can burn up as it burns down.

2. You fill in a form by filling it out.

3. An alarm goes off by going on.



In closing, if Father is called Pop, how come Mother is called Mom and not Mop?




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